


If the Fates Allow

by dawninthemtn



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, F/M, Meddling Leia, Please won't someone give this woman a grandchild, Soft Ben Solo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:55:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawninthemtn/pseuds/dawninthemtn
Summary: Leia Organa is the most successful matchmaker in the world and renowned creator of irresistible.com, where she built an algorithm so airtight her corporate headquarters is wallpapered with wedding announcements. To her chagrin, the only person she’s never been able to set up is her own son, Ben. But she has an employee named Rey that she has decided is Ben’s perfect match, so she hatches a plan to set them up.Unbeknownst to his mother, Ben has set up an anonymous profile on irresistible.com and has been writing his match Rey for months.Or: What do you do when the girl you’re secretly in love with shows up at your family’s Christmas?





	1. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

_Dear Rey,_

_When I was a kid, my family had a yearly tradition where we chopped down our Christmas tree. Maybe it’s cliché, but I looked forward to that day every year for months. We’d take my dad’s old truck, and I’d get to sit right in between my mom and dad in the cab. I wonder if kids are even allowed to do that anymore. Honestly, it probably wouldn’t have even mattered. My dad always played fast and loose with the rules._

_Anyway, my parents would put on the local Christmas station and we’d drive an hour or so to a Christmas tree farm in the mountains. My dad acted like we had the most important task in the world ahead of us as we set out on our quest for the best tree at the whole farm. We’d spend hours scouring the rows of trees, identifying imperfections and shooting down each other’s suggestions._

_When we’d finally, finally agree on a tree, we each took turns sawing it down. My dad usually finished the job, and we all yelled “timber” as it fell. Then my mom and I drank hot chocolate as the farmers and my dad bound and loaded up the tree. It was usually dark by the time we got home, and we’d decorate and light up the tree while drinking another round of hot chocolate. I have to imagine I was always giant pain in the neck that day on all that sugar, but I guess that’s part of being a parent at Christmastime._

_Look, I get it – there’s nothing unique about any of this story. You’ve probably seen this exact scene play out in some crappy TV Christmas movie or something. But it was special to me. We never did it again after my dad left. The first year after the divorce, we didn’t even have a tree. Then the next year, my mom bought a big fake tree and we never spoke of the tree farm again._

_Rey, I’m sorry I made you upset when I said I wasn’t looking forward to seeing my mom at Christmas. I should have been more sensitive. I just want you to understand that being at home brings up some painful memories that sometimes I’d rather just bury away._

_You haven’t told me what you’re doing for Christmas, but I hope that you have a warm fire and plenty of friends to share it with._

_And lots and lots of hot chocolate._

_Chat tonight? I hope you can forgive me._

_Your friend, KR_

Ben Solo read over his email a few times. It was cheesy, but they always were, if he was honest. He had an hour drive to his mom’s house to keep his hands off his phone and not obsessively check whether Rey had written back. She was a feisty one, that Rey, but she usually forgave his missteps. Maybe she had it in her yet again.

Sometimes he thought – hoped – that she needed their conversations as much as he did.

Before he had even finished loading up his car with his suitcase and gifts for his mom, he felt his phone buzz. Eagerly, he tore it from his pocket and opened up the Irresistible app to reveal a message from Rey.

_Dear KR,_

_Of course I forgive you. I know I can be a little sensitive when it comes to family. That was a lovely memory. Thank you for sharing. As for my Christmas plans, my new boss found out I didn’t have a place to go and she invited me to spend it with her and her adult son. At first I told her I couldn’t intrude, but she was relentless in her invitation, and I finally agreed. I’m actually pretty excited, gate crasher though I will be. ;)_

_Wish me luck at my first ever family Christmas!_

_I’d love to chat tonight, but forgive me ahead of time if I’m too busy with my Yuletide celebrations to say much!_

_Your friend, Rey_

Ben read the email over a few times, savoring each of her words as he always did. Unbidden, a wave of anger rose in him at the thought of this mysterious “adult son” she’d be spending the holidays with. He tried to tamp it down. He had no right to be jealous. After all, Rey didn’t even know his real name. He had no claims to her. For all he knew, she was going on a date with a different guy every night of the week, and she’d be well within her rights to do so.

He hated each and every one of them. Hated them for their ability to look Rey right in the face and ask her out. To shake her hand and tell her their name.

To be brave enough to risk her rejection.

 

After the drive to his mom’s in which he had maniacally created a mental image of the perfect be-sweatered young man who would fix Rey mugs of hot chocolate and chop her wood and stoke her fire and give her the feeling of home she had always craved, Ben pulled into the long, curvy driveway to his mother’s McMansion. 

Leia Organa’s website, irresistible.com, had millions of daily users, gladly paying ridiculous premiums for a chance at happily ever after. After his parents’ divorce, Leia had become obsessed with the idea of the perfect relationship and had used her background in psychology to create an algorithm for creating an airtight match. The fact that Leia could wallpaper her entire corporate headquarters with wedding announcements was a testament to the algorithm’s efficacy.

By this point, Leia was so attuned to people around her that she could match up two people in a crowd and they’d be in love within the week.

So it was endless frustrating to her that her own son, a somewhat normal, moderately successful man of thirty was painfully single, with no prospects for that changing anytime soon.

Ben sighed and knocked on the front door, gearing himself up for a couple of days of his mother bemoaning his single status and begging him to let her set him up or even worse, trying to get him to give her website a chance.

“Ben!” His mother swung open the front door and jumped right up on her tiptoes for a hug. He bent over to better accommodate her and couldn’t help but notice the gray hairs streaking through her immaculate bun. He knew she worked too hard, but he could never get her to take one step back. The day he had suggested she join her own website and try to get a date was one of the worst they had shared in years, and he had never mentioned her working again.

“Hi Mom,” he said, returning the hug. “Merry Christmas.”

“You too.” She patted his cheeks and let her hand linger. “I’m glad to see you shaved. I didn’t much care for that goatee. Made you look too intense.” She winked. “Ladies like a man who’s approachable.”

Ben rolled his eyes, making no effort to hide it. Not thirty seconds in this house and it had already begun.

“I shaved because it had gotten itchy, Mother, not for any other reason.”

“Don’t _Mother_ me, just because I’d like to not die before meeting my grandchildren.” She chattered on as he followed her into the kitchen. “I went shopping with Amilyn the other day and had to endure hours at the toy store while she picked out gifts for her six grandchildren. _Six,_ Ben.”

“Yeah, well, Amilyn had three kids. You kind of limited yourself with the whole only child thing. Even if I got married today, you’re not likely to get six grandkids.”

“I don’t need six. I just want one. It’s not much to ask. You’re getting older every day. There’s nothing wrong about being single in your 30s, but at some point you need to recognize that your clock’s a ticking.” She tapped on his arm a few times in time with her words.

Ben knew this whole speech, having heard it word for word the month before on his birthday.

“So, Mom,” he cut in, “is Uncle Luke coming this year?”

“No, you know he got that grant to do the dig in Ach-To. It’s such a long flight that he told me he didn’t want to bother with the time and expense to come here this year.”

“Does that mean it’s just you and me?” For the next three days. _Three days_.

“Actually… I haven’t told you this, but I invited someone else to spend the next few days with us.” She held up her hands nervously. “I’m sorry; I know Christmas is our thing, but she didn’t have anywhere to go, the poor dear.”

“Who is she?”

“One of my new employees. She’s the sweetest thing. You’re just going to love her.”

Of course. That’s exactly what she _wants._ “Mom, what…”

The doorbell rang, interrupting them. Leia seemed all too excited to jump up and answer the door.

“What timing!” she cried, bolting out of the kitchen. Ben leaned against the marble island counter and gritted his teeth. He had expected a few days of speeches from his mom, but he didn’t think she’d go so far as to invite a girl over for the whole weekend. He wondered if this girl was in on it, or if she was just another innocent victim in the world of Leia Organa, Professional Matchmaker.

He heard their voices come closer and braced himself for the awkward introduction that was to follow. Leia came around the corner into his line of sight, followed by a taller, thin, brunette young woman with bright eyes and a nervous expression as she looked around and gaped at the opulence around her.

“Ben, this is…”

“ _Rey.”_ Ben didn’t mean to say it, but it just came out in an awed whisper. His subconscious recognized her immediately, even as his rational mind argued that there was no way any of this could be real. His Rey, here, in the flesh, standing five feet away from him. His Rey, looking far more beautiful than her pictures, which, five minutes before, Ben wouldn’t have said was possible.

His Rey, who wasn’t really his.

Leia gave him a confused look. “Yes, this is Rey. Sorry, I didn’t realize I had told you her name.”

“Yes,” said Ben, sputtering. “You, uh, you said your employee Rey was coming.”

At the sound of his voice, Rey faced him and stepped forward, holding out her hand for him to take. “Hi, I’m Rey. I’m glad to meet you. Thank you for letting me intrude on your family Christmas.”

He had imagined her voice so many times, had even tried to reading her emails and chats in his mind in an English accent, but nothing could prepare him for the real thing. After months of listening for English accents all over the city, in coffee shops, stores, on the streets – he knew Rey was local because Irresistible was location-based – here she was, speaking right in his mother’s kitchen.

Leia jerked her head towards Rey’s hand, reminding him to reach out and shake it. _Speak, dummy,_ he thought desperately.

“It’s fine,” he finally managed to get out, releasing her hand.

Rey smiled at him and his heart skipped. “At first, I tried to refuse, but your mom is a force to be reckoned with. At any rate, I really appreciate this. With work off for the next few days and my friends all gone home, it would have been pretty depressing at my lonely apartment.”

“Rey is our newest coder,” said Leia, wrapping her arm around Rey’s shoulders. “She’s already sorted out some kinks that had given some of our more senior coders trouble for months.”

_I just got a new job at a big company that’s near and dear to my heart. I’m pretty excited to finally get to work as a real coder, after all these years of tech support. I even got to meet the founder of the company the other day. She was just as amazing as I imagined she’d be. I wonder if I’ll ever be someone other people can admire. I’m sure she’s already forgotten my name, but I’ll never forget hers._

Of course, Ben had had no idea at the time that she was talking about his _mother._ He hadn’t asked her what company she was working for, just like she had no idea where he worked and only knew that he was an accountant.

“That’s great,” he said directly to the counter. “Would you guys excuse me?”

Without waiting for a response, he slipped out of the room. Once alone in the study, he gasped for breath. This couldn’t be happening. He was a screw up. He was such a pathetic, useless excuse for a man. All these months he could have just told her his name, just typed a few words. “My name is Ben.” How hard would that have been?

But then she might have asked for a picture. And then in the small miraculous occurrence that she still wasn’t turned off, she might have asked to meet him in person. He’d be awkward and ruin what was between them just like he’d destroyed any attempt at a relationship he’d ever had. And then it would all be over. She’d see him for what he was and want nothing more to do with him, leaving him even more wretchedly alone than before.

Now the fates – in the form of his meddling mother – had brought them together and he didn’t know what to do. He was sure his mom was making some excuses for him, the way she always had while he was growing up.

“He’s just shy, give him a minute and he’ll warm up. It’s not you, dear, I promise.” And so on.

Leia’s real voice eventually called out to him. He followed the sound to the entryway, where Rey stood looking sheepish.

“Benjamin, please go out and help our guest with her bags,” said Leia, with a “don’t test me” expression that Ben only knew too well.

Rey, with her eyes on the ground, showed him out to her car and popped the trunk. She rummaged around and produced a duffel bag and a number of gift bags. Ben easily took the duffel and met her eyes as she handed it over.

“Hey, look,” she said, ripping her eyes away from his again. “I can tell my being here is bothering you. And it’s okay; I get it. I’m not family. Let me just bring these gifts to your mom and I’ll come up with an excuse and be on my way.”

“No!” Ben practically shouted. She jerked a little, startled, but looked up at him again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I was just a bit surprised that we had a guest but it’s good. I’m just…I’m not great with meeting new people.”

She set her gift bags on the ground and closed her trunk before looking up at him with a giant smile. “Well, how about I not be ‘new people’ anymore? We’ve met. Now let’s be friends.”

“Okay,” said Ben. “I don’t have a lot of friends, but the ones I have are really good at letting me backtrack and pretend I didn’t make stupid social mistakes. So maybe you can just forget everything that’s happened in our friendship so far?”

She laughed merrily, a delightful sound that made a big smile spread on his face with an ease he wasn’t used to.

“Consider it forgotten,” said Rey. “Except our introduction, because without that we’d be strangers again.”

“Well, we can’t have that,” agreed Ben. She smiled at him and picked up her bags. As they turned toward the front door, Ben saw the curtain in the window flutter and he knew his mom had been spying. He looked up at the sky with exasperation.

What had he gotten himself into?

 


	2. We'll Have to Muddle Through Somehow

Ben helped Rey carry her bags to the guest room that Leia had assigned. She told him she was going to unpack for a few minutes so he left her and went straight down to talk to a certain mother of his.

“Mom!” he called, striding through the downstairs. “Mom!”

She stepped out of the kitchen, innocently tying on an apron. “I’m right here, Ben, what?”

He walked into the kitchen and whirled on her. He stopped short, though, when he noticed that not only was she wearing an apron, but she had laid out baking ingredients on the counter.

“Since when do you bake?” he asked.

“It’s Rey,” she said. “I asked her what she likes to do at Christmas, and she said she likes to make cookies.” She nudged him. “I’m sure she’d love some help.”

That reminded Ben why he had sought out his mom. “What is this?” he asked pointedly.

“Baking stuff.”

“Don’t act dumb. No, this whole thing, inviting Rey, all of it.”

“I had an employee in need and I gave her a place to stay.”

Ben scoffed. “Please. How often do you converse with low level coders enough to find out their Christmas plans?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Of course I love all my…”

“Just tell me this, Mom. Does she know this is a set up?” He lowered his voice. “That you only asked her here to try to hook her up with your son?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Oh, _I’m_ being ridiculous? How about the woman who is taking advantage of a poor, lonely girl with no family, making her feel like someone wants her to be part of their family celebration out of the goodness of their heart, when in reality it’s only because you think she could be useful to you?”

Leia narrowed her eyes at him. “She tell you that?”

Ben pulled back from where he had been leaning into his mom’s face. “No, um, I’m just guessing, you know, since she’s here,” he mumbled, running his hand through his hair.

It had taken Rey months to admit the truth about her past to him. It was Halloween. Ben knew that because he remembered how much he hated being interrupted in his reading to give candy to the kids in his apartment complex. She told him all about growing up as a foster child in the council houses of England and how she had pulled herself up by her bootstraps and saved up enough money to move to the States for a fresh start.

_Maybe it’s crazy for me to keep baring my soul to someone whose identity I still don’t know. I know so much about you, your family, your hobbies, your favorite movies, your profession, but not what your name is or what you look like. You know about me, too much, perhaps. I haven’t told anyone about us because I know how it will all sound to someone else. I’m getting catfished by some idiot teens who are always laughing at my pathetic past. Or worse, you’re a terrifying psycho who has been creating a basement dungeon for me. Maybe I’ll end up murdered and everyone will shake their heads when they read the news article about yet another silly young girl who put her trust in the wrong Internet stranger._

_I hope the Lifetime movie they make about me is super bad._

_Still… I just can’t help but trust you. I hope someday you’ll tell me your real name. But until then, it’s nice to have a friend to talk to._

“Fine, Ben,” said Leia, pulling him out of his thoughts. “You’re right. I met Rey and instantly knew that she’d be the perfect match for you. You know I have a sixth sense about these things.”

Ben couldn’t say it out loud, but his mom was dang good at what she did. He was still annoyed at her interference, but obviously she wasn’t wrong. Rey was his dream girl. And as far as he could see, she at least liked KR a little bit.

Oh how his mom would gloat if she knew that the match she had set up in real life had also matched on her website.

“I’ll play nice,” replied Ben, “as long as you do, too. No tricks, nothing to make Rey uncomfortable.” He waggled a finger at Leia. “No making us walk in on each other while we’re changing, no locking us in a closet, no forcing us to sit together on a loveseat, no _mistletoe.”_

“You’ve thought about all that, have you?” Leia’s eyes sparkled mischievously.

“Mom…” Ben leaned in on his mom threateningly.

“Hey, Leia?”

At the sound of Rey’s voice, Ben and Leia sprang apart. Ben instantly busied himself with the straightening out the cookie ingredients, while Leia went to fuss over Rey.

“What is it, dear?”

“Um, sorry,” came Rey’s timid voice. “Did I interrupt something?”

“Not at all,” said Leia reassuringly. “Come on in. I got all the stuff for those sugar cookies you like to make.”

“Oh wow, you didn’t need to do that.”

“Nonsense. Everyone at the office loved them. I thought you might want to make them again.”

Of course Rey had made cookies for the office. It was just the type of thing she’d do.

“Besides,” continued Leia. “Finally I can have a Christmas where Ben doesn’t complain that his mom doesn’t make cookies with him.”

Ben felt his ears turning red and quickly checked his long black curls to make sure they were sufficiently covered.

“ _Mom,”_ he whined. “I haven’t said anything like that in about twenty years.”

“Don’t worry,” said Rey, coming over and touching his arm. “We’ll make a nice big batch and make sure we leave the best ones out for Santa.” She looked up at him and winked, making his chest constrict.

If he didn’t already know her so well, he might have assumed she was making fun of him, a pitiful man-child with mommy issues, but he couldn’t believe that of Rey. She was too kind for that.

Instead of running out, embarrassed and hurt, like he might if he were on a first date, he decided on a different tactic.

“If they’re as good as my mom says, I’m not sure there’ll be any left by the time Santa visits,” he said, leaning into her a little. “I should warn you, I have a very sweet tooth.”

Rey’s eyes lit up and she smiled widely. He’d thought he’d detected dimples in the pictures she had connected with her Irresistible profile, but he had had no idea how deep and wide they really were. They made his heart skip, and he couldn’t help but smile back.

He refused to look at his mom.

Ben helped Rey prepare her dough, if “helping” meant staring at her while she explained every step like she was on a Food Network baking competition.

_Something else I love to do is bake. I know, I know – cue the “Great British Bake Off” jokes. But really. I love baking. I don’t much care for cooking. I do it, obviously, so I don’t, you know, starve, but I don’t like it. I wish I were rich enough to get take out for dinner every night. And then after enjoying my pre-made dinner, I’d bake. Cookies, pies, cakes, it doesn’t matter. I love it all. It’s so soothing and homey. It reminds me of a home I’ve never had, one I’d like to create someday._

_What’s your favorite sweet? I wish I could make you a dozen._

His mom was even less helpful than he was. She mostly stood to the side, observing the two of them at work with a little smile on her face. Ben hated how absurdly obvious she was being, but if Rey caught on, she didn’t indicate it.

After carefully mixing the dough, Rey took out a glob with her finger and licked it off. Ben tracked her movement before looking away quickly.

“Mmm, perfect,” she said, closing her eyes briefly. She grabbed the bowl and held it out to Ben. “Here, have a taste. Since you didn’t get to when you were a kid.”

“I baked sometimes,” grumbled Leia, but Ben wasn’t listening. With his eyes fixed on Rey’s, he reached in and grabbed a piece, popping it into his mouth.

“Amazing,” he said. “You better get that away from me or else we won’t have anything to bake.”

She grinned madly and flushed a little pink. Ducking her head, she asked Leia for some Seran wrap. They put the dough in the fridge to chill. Rey got started cleaning up the counters, but Leia stopped her.

“I’ll finish here,” she said. “How about you let Ben show you around the house?”

“Oh, I couldn’t let you…”

“Nonsense,” said Leia, already shoving her out of the kitchen. She turned to Ben and gestured for him to follow Rey. He gave her an annoyed look, but she just smirked at him knowingly.

Rey waited in the foyer as Ben gathered his wits enough to be alone with Rey again.

“Hey,” he said, rubbing his neck uncomfortably.

She spun towards him, her eyes bright. “This is an amazing house,” she said. “Is it where you grew up?”

“No, she built this while I was almost out of high school. I know, it’s a lot of house for one person, but she was so proud that she could do it on her own.”

“I see,” said Rey, her voice soft. “So I don’t get to see your childhood bedroom.”

As much as he missed their old ho/use, he was suddenly grateful they weren’t there.

“Well, what do you want to see?” he asked. “I’ve never, uh, given a house tour before.”

She stepped closer to him. “How about we start with your favorite place in the house?”

Okay, that was easy. He led the way into the study, a large, pretentious room full of bookshelves brimming with books he wasn’t sure had ever been cracked open.

“To be honest, I don’t know why my mom included this room in her house plans. I’m not sure she ever even comes in. When she works at home, it’s usually in bed on her laptop. But when we first moved in, or when I’d come home for school breaks or holidays, this was my favorite place to be. It’s quiet and calming.”

“It’s beautiful,” said Rey. “I can’t believe some people have entire rooms for books, but it’s sure lovely.” She looked around. “You could possibly fit my whole studio apartment in this room, or any room in this house, for that matter.”

“Are you telling me that you can’t have a giant wooden globe because you need room for your couch?” said Ben, spinning the ridiculous thing. It was maybe the first time it had ever been touched.

Rey giggled merrily. “That thing probably cost more than my couch.”

“Yours was a far more practical purchase, I’m sure,” said Ben. “Considering you probably actually use it.”

“I’m kind of disappointed that your mom doesn’t sit in here all weekend, spinning this globe and charting navigational paths.”

“Well, why don’t you?”

“What?”

“Show me a trip you’d love to take around the world. You know, if time and money weren’t an issue.”

_I’ve never been anywhere cool. I bounced around England growing up a bit, so I guess that’s something. When people meet me, they always want to talk to me about England and where they’ve been, and how much they liked London, or whatever. I don’t tell them that my England was much grittier, and I’d be fine never returning._

_But other parts of the world? I hate that I’ve never been. There’s so many places I’d love to see and experience. I follow a flight deal Instagram account and always swear to myself that one of these days when a killer deal to China or Rome or Bangkok or wherever else pops up I’m just going to go for it and book a ticket for a solo trip._

_Then I end up just scrolling past, knowing that my money is always better put into savings, or if things are especially tight that month, towards the rent._

_Reading travel blogs is just as good, right?_

Rey looked up at him, as if making sure he wasn’t messing with her. He nodded encouragingly and pulled the globe stand a little closer to her.

“Well, okay,” she said slowly. She tapped her chin thoughtfully, and then reached down to the globe, finding their city. She traced her finger silently across the Atlantic to Spain. “I think I’d start in Barcelona, before making my way over to Italy.”

“Good choice,” said Ben. “I love Italy.”

“You’re lucky you’ve been,” said Rey, pulling back and dropping her hand. “I’ve never been anywhere.”

“No,” said Ben, taking her hand and putting it back on Italy. He didn’t know where this boldness was coming from, but it felt as natural as breathing. “Keep going.”

She looked up with wide eyes. He let go quickly. Looking back at the globe, she continued tracing with her finger. “From there I’d like to go down to Egypt and see the pyramids, then over to India to see the Taj Mahal.”

“I haven’t been either place,” said Ben. “Where else?”

She hummed, and then traced further east. “Thailand, and then I’d head down to New Zealand. Then I think I’d go over to Rio and then up to the Caribbean.” She traced her finger back to home and let go.

“That’d be quite an exciting trip.”

“It’d be an _expensive_ trip,” she said, laughing. “My friends wanted me to hit Miami for a weekend with them, and I couldn’t even seem to make that work. Ever since I moved away from my roommates, things have been tight. My studio may be tiny, but it’s mine, so it’s worth it.”

“Sometimes home is just as good as exotic places. Maybe even better.”

“You might be right, but someday I hope I can make that determination for myself.”

“Fair enough,” said Ben, chuckling. “I hope you get to go to all of the places you’ve ever dreamed of.”

Fantasizing about taking Rey on trips around the world was nothing new to Ben, but to have her right there with him, with a dreamy look in her eye was something else entirely.

“Tell me about Italy,” she said, looking right up into his eyes. Ben’s heart was beating rapidly, but he calmed himself enough to tell her all about his favorite places and funny stories about his mom’s attempts to get his 16 year old self to care about Renaissance art. Rey was a great listener, laughing in all the right places and encouraging him to continue with her rapt attention and smiles.

It ended all too soon when they heard his mom’s voice calling out to them. Rey almost jumped.

“Some tour, huh?” said Ben nervously. He had no idea long they’d been standing in the study, talking.

“I guess you’ll just have to give me the full tour another time,” said Rey, touching his arm.

Was she _flirting_ with him? Ben was maybe one step above sociopath when it came to reading social cues, but he couldn’t deny the way her eyes lingered as she touched him, how she seemed to trace his bicep before letting go.

“We’re in the study,” Rey called out.

Leia came in, looking between the two of them with so much glee that Ben wanted to vanish right on the spot.

“Hey you two,” she said. “I didn’t mean to bother you…”

“You didn’t,” said Rey, quickly. “Ben was just showing me around.”

“Well, I was just looking for you guys to ask what you’re in the mood for for dinner. I’ve got plans for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners but tonight is up to you. We can order whatever you want. Just let me know what you think of and come find me.” She winked at them as she left and Ben cringed.

“Glad we’re not cooking,” said Rey. “If I could, I’d order take out-”

“Every night,” Ben finished for her. She looked up at him, confused, and he added quickly, “I mean, that’s everyone’s dream, right?”

“I guess so.” She paused. “I don’t have any preferences. Do you? I don’t even know what’s around here.”

“There’s pretty much anything you could want in this town. And my mom’s got them all on speed dial.”

“How about this,” said Rey, smiling and reaching for the globe again. “I’ll spin the globe, and whatever my finger lands on, we’ll eat that.”

Ben laughed. “Okay.”

Rey spun it and closed her eyes. When the globe stopped, she opened her eyes and they both looked at her finger.

“I don’t know anything about Cambodian food,” said Rey.

Ben touched her hand and slid her finger a bit to the left. “I _think_ you landed on Thailand,” he said.

“I love Thai food,” said Rey excitedly.

Ben nodded slowly, swallowing. _I know,_ he thought silently.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your support! It means the world to me.
> 
> Next chapter will get into the origins of their relationship, if you're dying to know about that.


	3. Happy Golden Days of Yore

The afternoon went peacefully enough. Once Leia put in their orders to the local Thai restaurant, Rey decided that their cookie dough had chilled long enough. She and Ben worked together to roll out the dough and cut out cookies. The mathematical precision with which Ben arranged the cookie cutters to not waste any space during each round impressed Rey.

“You’re making me feel like I’m in geometry class again,” she teased.

“Well, I’m an accountant, so I guess math is kind of my thing.”

“A noble profession, being an accountant.”

Ben laughed at that. “I don’t think anyone has ever responded to me that way. No one becomes an accountant to change the world.”

“But bad accountants can change the world for the worse,” responded Rey earnestly. “Look at Enron. Their unethical accountants ruined thousands of people’s lives. We need good accountants dealing with numbers and money.”

Ben felt a jolt of pride as she basically parroted back an email he had once sent to her word for word. Still, he leaned into her teasingly.

“How do you know I’m a good accountant?”

“I like to think I’m a good judge of character.”

That wasn’t the first time she had said that to him. He thought back to the first time he had ever heard from her, when they first matched on Irresistible. One night over the summer, he had been so bored that he allowed his long-dormant curiosity about his mom’s website to take over him, and before he knew it, he had created a profile using the name and picture of his favorite Star Wars character. He really didn’t want his mom to somehow stumble upon his account. Somehow, the website didn’t flag the account and he answered every question the website put him through for the match algorithm.

It took hours. There were serious questions about life philosophy but also silly questions about things like the merits of reality TV. It seemed ridiculous, but Leia swore by it, so just for the hell of it, he kept going. At some point over the next week, he got an email that he had matched with someone, and for the low price of $29.95, he could see who it was.

He never would have paid, but he dug up the code his mom had given him eons ago for a free match, typed it in, and waited for his match to load. _Rey N._ A beautiful girl with a bright smile that almost made him decide to change his profile and reach out to her, but he held back. There was no way a girl like her would want someone like him, no matter what some dumb website said.

Knowing that she would only see his profile if she paid too, he signed off and thought that was the end of it, hating himself that he was too shy to even talk to girls _on the freaking Internet._ Even basement dwellers were capable of that.

The next day, he woke up to an irate email from Rey N.

_To the Bloke Who Thinks He’s Funny-_

_I can’t believe you. I joined this website because it gets results and what happens to me? I pay thirty bucks to see my perfect match, and I end up with bloody Kylo Ren! A Star Wars character! Either I am wasting my time emailing a bot or I’m calling out someone who thinks this is all a big joke. Well, mister, it’s not a joke to me. Some of us are lonely and are looking for someone special and you can laugh at that all you want but it’s true. Maybe $29.95 isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to me._

_I’ll be reporting your account to Irresistible and I hope they have a generous money back guarantee. I just wanted to let you know how you made me feel._

Ben had grabbed his laptop and furiously typed out a response, apologizing profusely. He explained that he hadn’t meant to hurt her, but that he was just shy and it was hard for him to talk to strangers. He swore that he had answered everything on the website honestly, other than his name and picture, and that he was just a super average twenty-nine year old man. He told her to let him know if she had any trouble getting her money back and that he’d never bother her again.

The next day, he had another email from her, accepting his apology. She asked him about some parts of the website’s questionnaire, trying to determine what it might have been that matched them. Their email exchange got longer and longer, until one day she asked if he wanted to chat.

_Maybe I’m crazy, but I can already tell I like talking to you, and I’d like to keep doing it, if you’re willing. You don’t have to tell me your name. Somehow I trust you. I’m a good judge of character._

He became KR after that, and she rarely brought up his name. It was just another way that her selflessness shone through, willing to take things at his own pitiful pace.

Once they finished baking the cookies, they set them out to cool and accompanied Leia to the restaurant to pick up their food. Ben let Rey have the front seat and squeezed into the back. He listened contentedly as the two women chatted about the hottest sites that Leia’s suburban paradise had to offer. They spent a good chunk of time discussing the convenience of Leia living five minutes from both a Target and a Costco.

_I went with a friend to Costco today. Have you ever been?? I got full from the samples alone! But then I still couldn’t resist the $1.50 hot dog/drink combo. If I only had a random $60 lying around, I could be a member too. Maybe I should spring for it, though. I mean, think of the grocery money I’d save by eating samples instead!_

Through the rest of the evening, Ben observed Rey. He already knew so much about her, but seeing her in real life was a brand new education. When something made her really happy, her nose scrunched up in the most adorable way. When someone complimented her, she ducked her head and blushed pink. When she opened her Styrofoam pad thai clamshell, she ate like it was her first meal in weeks. When he playfully slapped a dollop of frosting on her cheek while they finished their cookies, she stuck her tongue up so high she licked it right off without even needing her hands.

Ben had needed a few minutes to calm down after that particular incident.

Around eight PM, while the three were playing Scrabble, Rey started shifting in her seat a bit, checking her phone periodically.

“Hey guys,” she finally said when the game stalled. “Mind if I slip out for just a few minutes? I just need to, um, check in with a friend real quick.”

It was absurd, but Ben felt jealous of the “friend” she was clearly so anxious to get to. He was fairy certain the friend was him, but there was something about her wanting so desperately to get out of real Ben’s presence to speak to someone else that made him feel like he usually felt around girls. Like they’d rather be anywhere else, with anyone else.

Leia seemed to guess that she wanted to go to talk to a boy, too, since she pursed her lips and nodded curtly to Rey, who fumbled through a thank you and apology and slipped out of the room.

Leia turned to him and snapped, “Do you have a word or not?”

“Game’s dead, Mom. There’s too few letters for either Rey or I to beat you at this point. Congrats, you win. I’m going to run and check my work email. We’re finishing that audit of Naboo Inc., so you know, need to stay on top of it.” He babbled as he kissed her on the cheek and took off upstairs to his bedroom.

He grabbed his laptop and logged on his Irresistible account, smiling when he saw the green “active” symbol next to Rey’s name.

KR: _Hey_

Rey: _Hey yourself_

KR: _How’s the family Christmas?_

Rey: _It’s great! My boss’ house is gorgeous and enormous, and it’s decorated like a damn Christmas card. It’s like a dream._

Rey: _And both she and her son are being so, so nice._

Ben could only imagine how those words would have made him feel if that son wasn’t him.

KR: _That’s great._

Rey: _What about you?_

KR: _Things at my mom’s are surprisingly good this year. I’ve had a really nice day._

Rey: _I’m so glad to hear that! Any fun Christmas Eve plans?_

KR: _Not sure. I’m sure my mom has some plans up her sleeve. She’s relentless._

Rey: _Sounds like a cool lady to me! I bet I’d like her._

Ben chuckled. Worried that she could hear him in the next room over, he quieted down.

KR: _I’m sure she’d like you too._

Rey: _Well, I’m sorry to be quick tonight, but I feel rude enough bailing on our game of Scrabble. I better get back downstairs. I just wanted to check in and wish you a merry Christmas Eve Eve!_

KR: _Merry Christmas Eve Eve to you too._

Rey: _Good night!_

**REY IS OFFLINE**

Ben sighed heavily and closed his laptop. He heard Rey rustling around in her room and then taking off in the hallway to head downstairs. After taking about ten minutes to create a time cushion between the two and to simply mull over what a mess he was in, he went down to find his mom and Rey settling into the couches in their den.

“Hey Ben,” said Leia. “We’re trying to decide what movie to watch. Any preferences?”

“Has to be a Christmas one, obviously,” piped in Rey, settling in with a large throw blanket. “After all, it’s Christmas Eve Eve.”

“How about _It’s a Wonderful Life_?” suggested Ben. Rey’s head snapped up.

“You like that movie?” she asked breathlessly.

He shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen it all the way through, but it’s a classic, so…”

“Well, you’re not going to get a complaint from me,” said Leia. “It’s one of my favorites.”

“Mine, too,” said Rey. “I’d love to watch it.”

_I know most people my age would probably say that their favorite Christmas movie is_ Elf _or_ A Christmas Story _or something, which I like of course, but I absolutely love_ It’s a Wonderful Life. _I first saw it at one of my foster homes on their crappy TV that only got three channels. It was the only thing on worth watching. The message touched me so deeply. “No man is a failure who has friends.” I had nothing - I still have nothing, really - but I knew that I could be a good friend no matter what. And I’ve always tried to be._

Ben got the fireplace going while his mom searched for the movie on Pay Per View. He bent over to stoke the flames. It was the only traditional fireplace in this large house of modern conveniences, and he liked the classic feel of it. He finished his task and turned back around, just in time to see Rey look up at the ceiling strangely.

Had she been watching him? Ben didn’t think a lot of his looks, but he did work out regularly. Lifting heavy things was a great stress reliever. His mom seemed to think Rey was checking him out, because when he got up to take a seat, she caught his eye and waggled her eyebrows suggestively. Rolling his eyes, he told them he would go and make everyone hot chocolate.

While he was in the kitchen, he got a text from his mom.

Mom: _She’s single, you know. I checked._

Not even wanting to know how _that_ conversation played out, Ben shook his head and returned his phone to his pocket. Still, a small smile managed to find its way on his face. He’d suspected she was single – after all, what girl with a boyfriend spends time every day conversing with a male online stranger and has no Christmas plans - but the confirmation didn’t hurt. With a spring in his step, he finished making everyone’s hot chocolate.

He created a little plate for Rey with a Christmas mug with hot chocolate, whipped cream, and a candy cane, as well as a couple of the cookies they had completed that night. When he handed it to her, she looked up at him with so much awe and thanks in her eyes that he wanted to murder every person who had ever treated her unkindly. He did the same for his mom, and then settled in to the recliner near Rey with his own plate.

About halfway through the movie, Leia announced that she was tired and was headed to bed. Knowing that Leia never went to sleep before midnight, Ben caught right on to her tricks, but wasn’t going to complain.

Ben and Rey watched in silence for another twenty minutes or so, before Rey said quietly, “This is so nice. Thank you so much for being willing to share your holiday with me.”

He wanted to sit next to her and pull her into his arms, assuring her that if it were up to him, she’d never spend another Christmas alone. He already knew that he wanted to give her the home and family she craved. If he wasn’t 100% certain before today that he was completely in love with this girl, after a day together he knew it in every part of his soul.

It was a little scary. He’d never been in love before. And in his younger years, when he thought his life might go a more traditional path, he’d always assumed that when he fell in love, there’d be a girl falling at the same time.

It had been wishful thinking, especially for him. And now there was the most incredible woman in the world, sitting mere feet away from him, sniffling through a sappy old movie in the light of a romantic fire, and he still couldn’t summon the courage to vocalize his feelings.

Maybe he’d be braver tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your ongoing support. All of you deserve Ben bringing you a plate of cookies and cocoa. <3


	4. Let Your Heart Be Light

The next morning, Ben woke with the sun. He didn’t hear any movement around the house, so he put on his workout clothes and went to his mom’s underused home gym. His head was rushing with all of the emotions of the last day, so he turned the treadmill on high and ran until he couldn’t bear it any more.

When he got off, he was sweating and heaving so hard that he took off his shirt to cool down a bit and wipe his face. He froze when he heard a little gasp behind him. He counted to three before turning around slowly, coming face to face with a blushing Rey. Hastily, he pulled his shirt back on, nasty as it was.

“I’m so sorry,” spit out Rey, who was looking anywhere but at his face, or his body for that matter. “Your mom just told me to come tell you that breakfast is ready, and I…”

“It’s okay,” Ben assured her. “I’m sorry, too. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, you’re fine,” said Rey, twirling the strings on her zip-up hoodie. “It’s not like you have anything to be ashamed of, I mean, you’re obviously in good shape.” She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head. “K, I’m just gonna go,” she said, pointing in the direction of the door. “To the kitchen. You know, where the food is.”

She paused like she was going to say something else, but then scurried out the door like a skittish little rabbit. Not sure whether to laugh, feel embarrassed, or feel furious at his mother, Ben stood without moving for a few moments. He finally decided to take a shower to clean up and shake off the charged moment before joining his mom and Rey in the kitchen.

By the time he came down, they had finished eating and had left out a plate for him. After that long run, he was ravenous and gobbled up the eggs and bagel they had prepared. He noticed that Rey was deliberately not looking at him, busying herself with dishes or whatever else she could get her hands on. Before he had a chance to address her, she announced she was going to go get changed.

“So what’s on the agenda today, Mom?” Ben asked as soon as Rey was gone. “Planning to send more girls in to accidentally walk in on your shirtless son?”

“Hey,” said Leia. “I only knew you were working out. If you didn’t have a shirt on, that wasn’t my fault. I heard the treadmill. Do you usually jog shirtless?” Her face brightened. “Did she see you? Was she impressed? I know how hard you work to maintain those muscles.”

Ben grimaced. “This conversation is taking a turn for the weird and uncomfortable. You’re not supposed to be thinking about your son’s muscles.”

“Well, it’s hard not to when they’re always right in my face,” she retorted. “You know, that girl was checking you out last night while you were working in the fireplace. Trust me, you were stoking more than one fire, that’s for sure.”

“Ugh, Mom!” Ben shuddered and covered his ears with his soapy hands. “You’ve been sitting on that one since last night, haven’t you?”

Leia looked immensely pleased with herself.

Groaning, Ben returned to washing his plate. “Back to the more important topic at hand. Are we doing anything for the next little bit? I was hoping I could pop out and do some last minute shopping.”

“Such a man, shopping on Christmas Eve.”

“Well excuse me that you didn’t tell me until I got here yesterday that we had someone else staying with us.”

Leia’s whole face lit up. “You’re shopping for Rey?”

“Well, it’d be rude not to, right?”

Suddenly, she was shoveling him towards the front door. “Take your time, get something good. If you’re stuck, there’s an Irresistible blog post with great gift ideas for your significant other.”

“She’s not my…”

“I know, but she _could_ be.”

Ben sighed and slammed the front door, closing off his mom before he had to hear anything else, or worse, have their conversation overheard by Rey.

While he was rummaging around Target, he got a message from Rey on his Irresistible app.

_Hey KR,_

_Merry Christmas Eve! I’m trying to imagine what you’re up to today. Are you curled up watching Christmas movies, or are you running around trying to get errands done at the last minute? Whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re warm and happy. I hope your mom is well, too. I imagine this time of year can be hard on her, too._

_Right now I’m curled up typing this on the softest bed I’ve ever slept on, after taking a shower with the best water pressure of my life. Do you ever wonder what it’s like to live this way, all the time?_

_My boss’ son seems to think that she lives that way to fill a void in her life, which is a really sad way to look at things. I guess it must be lonely to live all alone, in so much space. I’m glad she has her son to take care of her. He’s really nice. He even had us watch_ It’s a Wonderful Life _last night. Can’t beat that!_

_Even as terrific as they are, though, I always find my thoughts returning to you and wishing – crazy as it may be – that we were together instead._

_Please don’t hate me for saying so._

_Your friend, Rey_

Ben made a quick decision. He pulled the couple useless things he had put in his cart out and set them on the nearest shelf, silently apologizing to whatever hapless holiday employee would have to deal with his mess. Hurrying along, he hopped in his car, driving nearly all the way back to the city to find the right store.

It was lunchtime by the time he returned to his mom’s house. She and Rey were cheerfully getting out sandwich stuff and cutting fruit.

“You get lost on the way home?” Leia asked, coming up to kiss him on the cheek.

“Sorry, I know I was gone for a while,” said Ben. “What can I do to help?”

“Why don’t you go help Rey with the fruit?”

Ben gave her side-eye but happily took his spot next to Rey at the island. He pulled a knife from the knife block and helped her cut.

Quietly, he muttered, “Hey, I’m sorry again about this morning. Obviously I wouldn’t have taken off my shirt if I had known you were coming.”

“No, it’s me who’s sorry. I acted like a twelve-year-old girl, and made the situation way more awkward than it had any right to be. We’re both adults. Let’s just let it go and move on.”

He smiled at her, and they finished up their task in companionable silence.

During lunch, Leia suggested that Ben take Rey to the old sledding hill by their old neighborhood. Before Ben could say that he hadn’t been there in about fifteen years for a reason, he saw how Rey’s eyes lit up at the thought. He swallowed his protests, and agreed to the excursion. The smile Rey gave him in turn made the prospect of getting soaking wet with a bunch of children worth it.

After they had all cleaned up lunch, Leia suited Rey up in some old snow pants of Ben’s that had probably fit him when he was about twelve. When he expressed his surprise that they had survived the move, she winked at him and told him she was saving stuff for grandkids. Rey looked up at him with a little sympathetic smile and he thought about just going out and sticking his head in a snow bank.

Geared up and waddling in the ski clothes that he kept at his mom’s, Ben led Rey to his car.

“I guess we can stop at Target for sleds,” he said, but Leia came running back into the foyer wielding two brand new sleds.

“Already got some!” she cried, handing them to Ben and Rey.

“Thanks, Leia!” Rey was beaming as she fingered the pink sled.

“I tried to find a two-seater, but couldn’t find one big enough for…”

“That’s quite all right, Mom, see ya later.” He hurried Rey out the front door to his car. He popped the trunk and fit both sleds in.

As they drove, Ben noticed Rey check her phone a couple times. At one point, Rey caught him looking over.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, stashing it away quickly. “I know it’s rude to be on your phone around others. I’m just, um, well, never mind. Tell me about the sledding hill.”

Feeling guilty that he hadn’t had a chance to respond to Rey’s email that morning in between the shopping and driving he had done, he tried to distract her by telling her memories of meeting up with his neighborhood buddies on snow days. She laughed out loud when he told her about the time he broke his wrist and his mom didn’t believe him for two days.

He glanced over with a wry expression. “You’re not supposed to laugh at people’s tales of woe and pain.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “It’s just, your mom definitely seems like the ‘walk it off’ type.” She reached over and patted his arm. “I hope you at least got a cool colored cast.”

He smiled. “It was neon green. Very cool. Everyone signed it. Being the kid at school with a cast is kind of like celebrity status. I think I peaked at age ten.”

“Well, if the key to fame and success is breaking a bone, then I’m glad we’re about to engage in a dangerous activity!”

With Rey, it definitely was a dangerous activity. She flew down the hill, laughing with abandon each time. He could barely watch. With her tiny bib overalls, pompom beanie, and gleeful expression, she almost fit in with some of the children who were enjoying runs next to her. On the other hand, Ben knew he looked like a lumbering monster. Everyone there probably assumed he was a dad, the fun type who wasn’t just there to sit and watch.

Still, the outing was exhausting for him. His legs burned from his hard run that morning whenever he made the painful trudge back up the hill. After a few rounds of this, he slumped at the top of the hill and called it good.

“Hey there, Mr. Grinch,” Rey shouted at him as she walked by, setting up to do another round. Her energy was endless.

“Bah humbug!” he good-naturedly barked back.

“That’s Scrooge, you dummy!” she yelled before zipping back down the hill.

Finally, she collapsed next to him, exhausted at last. He quickly sent off the note he had been typing and put away his phone. Smiling at her bright red nose and shining eyes, he asked if she was ready to go.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’m spent. That guest shower at your mom’s is calling my name.”

He stood up, and held out his hand for her to take. As he leaned over to help her up, the corner of his boot caught the edge of his sled, causing him to lose his balance and topple right over, sending both him and Rey to the ground in a tangle of limbs. Laughing hysterically, Rey attempted to disentangle herself, and only slipped again, landing right on Ben’s chest.

She lifted her head in an attempt to right herself again when their eyes caught. The giant smile she was wearing slid off as they stared at each other, breaths in tandem. She was mere inches away. If he leaned up the slightest bit, he could capture her perfect lips. Her thoughts didn’t seem far from his, as her wide eyes slid from his and trailed down to his mouth.

“Hey, get a room!” Some bratty kid’s voice knocked them out of their haze and sent Rey leaping off him, scrambling ungracefully to her feet. Ben wanted to find that kid and throw him off the hill.

Rey picked up her sled and stalked to the car, chattering mindlessly as he followed her.

“Do you have any tissues in there? My nose is like a faucet. Did you see that time when I accidentally took out those two moms?”

They stripped off their top layers and Ben blasted the heat. Rey rubbed her hands in front of the vent and kept babbling. Ben took that to mean she was not interested in discussing what had just happened between them. Heart heavy and with no idea what he’d say even if she did want to talk about it, he carefully backed out, watching for kids, and left the lot. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her smile when she got notification of the email he’d sent, but was even more pleased when she locked her phone without reading and turned to him.

“Hey,” she said, touching his arm. “Didn’t you say you grew up near here?”

“Yeah. Our old house is just a couple streets away.”

She hesitated. “Would you show it to me?”

His hand stilled on the gear shift. “You want to see my house?”

“It’s a big part of you. You grew up there.” She dropped her hand. “Never mind, it’s silly. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No,” he said softly, taking her hand without thinking about it. “I’d like to.” He released her, and they drove silently for a couple of minutes until Ben slowed the car and put it in park.

“That’s it,” he said, pointing at the modest home they were in front of. She whipped her head in the direction of his finger.

“Oh,” she whispered. “It’s lovely.”

“The current owners have changed a couple things. There were two trees in the front yard, there and there.” He pointed and she nodded. “My mom always made it look nice for Christmas. She’d hang wreaths in those top windows and put a garland around the front door, lights on everything.” He took a breath. “I really liked Christmas. My dad was always there.”

She took her eyes off the house and turned to him. “What happened to your dad?” Her words were slow, like she was nervous to say them.

Ben paused. He had told Rey some stuff about his parents’ divorce, but it was usually in pretty general terms. It was painful, and he didn’t really like thinking about it. But here, soothed by her soft voice and eyes, he felt able to air out his old wounds for the first time in many years.

“I know my parents loved each other,” said Ben, gazing at the house, “but they fought all the time. He was a truck driver and was on the road a lot, which, I mean, I get. You have to work. But my mom made decent money as a therapist and was always trying to get him to change jobs and stay closer to home. He didn’t want to, though. He liked being on the road. I think he saw us as tying him down, and he was too much of a wanderer. It drove him nuts to be home for long. That stung, always feeling like I wasn’t good enough to keep him around.”

He paused, a little overwhelmed at the memories. It was ages ago, but it still hurt. Rey reached out and took his hand again.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want.”

He closed his eyes. “No, it’s fine. I don’t talk about it much, but I probably need to. Anyway, he moved out for good when I was 13. My mom and I stayed here for a few more years, then we live in a rental for a year while she built her house. Irresistible had really taken off by then.”

“Do you ever see him?”

He shook his head a bit. “Not really. I mean, he’s not totally disappeared. He came to my graduations and I call him on Father’s Day. But that’s about it. I thought maybe when he retired a couple years ago I’d see him more, but nothing much has changed. He just traded in his semi for an RV.”

“I’m sorry.”

Ben squeezed her hand and shook his head again. She didn’t know he knew her past, but he appreciated that she was being extremely sympathetic for someone who was literally abandoned by her own parents. She was such a lovely person. He didn’t deserve her, not in real life or otherwise.

Seeming to recognize his need for a subject change, she let go of his hand and reached over to his car keys, hanging in the ignition.

“Wait, is that a Kylo Ren keychain?”

“Um, yeah. I guess it’s kind of dorky but one of my coworkers gave it to me as a Secret Santa gift because he knew I liked _Star_ _Wars_.”

“My – this guy I know is really into _Star Wars_ , too.”

His breath caught. “A lot of people are.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I guess so.”

“So,” he said brightly. “Should we stop creeping out the people who live here now and head home to get you that shower and help my mom with dinner?”

She grinned. “Yeah.” She paused. “But…thanks. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with me, Ben."

His heart fluttered. “You’re welcome.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone on three - 1, 2, 3 - "Tell her, Ben!" I know, I know! But note there's only two chapters left, so stuff will go down soon. 
> 
> Thank you all you lovelies for your kind support.


	5. All Our Troubles

Ben and his mom had a longstanding tradition to make homemade pizza on Christmas Eve. But really, it was always Ben making it and his mom watching. Rey and Leia laughed and clapped for him as he put on a little show, pulling and spinning the dough in his hands, creating the perfect crust. Then they all worked together to put on the sauce and toppings.

“I think Christmas Eve pizza is an excellent idea,” Rey declared as they dove into the freshly baked pizza, melted cheese stringing everywhere.

“Thanks, dear,” said Leia. “I know it’s a little different, but it’s a fun tradition.”

“Well I don’t have any traditions at all, so I don’t know what’s different. I just know I like this one.”

Ben watched her carefully. She delivered her words so nonchalantly, but the pain was evident in her eyes. He wanted to kiss away the hurt, to cradle her in his arms and whisper that she could have everything he could possibly give her – his family, his traditions, his entire life.

Expertly, Rey changed the subject to something innocuous, and dinner charged merrily along. Leia asked her if she’d be comfortable accompanying she and Ben to the Christmas Eve musical service they always attended at a local church. Rey nodded emphatically.

“I haven’t spent a lot of time at church, but I love Christmas music. It sounds great!”

Ben leaned in to whisper in Rey’s ear. “Don’t worry; we only go to church this one time every year. Maybe Easter if she’s feeling particularly pious.”

Rey smiled. Leia’s eyes narrowed as she looked at them. “You besmirching the good name of your mother, Benjamin?”

Ben just smirked, and carried the dishes to the sink.

“Here, I’ll finish this up if you two go out and turn on the lights,” said Leia, coming up behind him with more dishes.

“Ok, let me grab my coat,” said Rey. Ben got his own, and followed her out. The air was chilly, but the early dusky sky was clear and beautiful.

“My mom always swears she’ll add timers when we’re done but she never does,” muttered Ben, as he showed Rey around to the outlets where they plugged in the various strands of lights.

“Wait, you did these lights?” asked Rey, looking up from where she was crouched behind a bush.

“Yes. Well, sort of. I helped. She could just hire someone who would do it all fancy, probably timed to an app on her phone or something, but I think she likes me coming out here every Thanksgiving weekend and helping her out.”

Rey stood up to face him, her face bathed in the soft light of red and white lights beneath her. She took a step forward, her eyes locked on his. He gulped, and stuck his hands in his coat pockets. She was so beautiful he didn’t even know what to do with himself.

“You’re a good son, Ben,” she said. “I can tell how much you mean to your mom. That’s a really nice, selfless thing to do for her. I’m sure she loves that time together.”

“Yeah, well,” said Ben, ducking his head awkwardly. “I’m sure you’d do the same. You wouldn’t even need to. You – you make the world brighter just by being in it.”

“Ben,” Rey whispered. He looked at her again. The look on her face was unmistakable. She had that same stillness about her from the sledding hill, the same fixation on his lips. Before he could second-guess himself, he pulled his hands from his pockets and carefully cupped her cheeks, terrified that they were cold against her skin. She closed her eyes, and nuzzled into his palms. Carefully and slowly, he began to lean in, but when he got closer, she held up a hand.

“Ben…” she whispered again, less a pleading this time and more a warning. He quickly extracted himself and snapped back to reality. What was he doing?

He turned to walk away – run away, and never come back – but she grabbed one of his hands with both of her own. “Listen,” she said. “This…thing that’s between us? I feel it too. I really like you, Ben. You’re kind, and caring, and, and, and – well, look at you!” She squeezed his hand and then let it go.

Turning away slightly and looking at the ground, she continued, all of her words coming out in a rush. “But my heart’s not really available right now. Before inviting me here, your mom asked if I was single, and I am, I swear I am, but, well… I’ve been, um, talking to someone. I don’t even know, you know what, never mind, I can’t really explain it, and you wouldn’t understand anyway. It’s super complicated, and it’s all just a mess, but the point is, you deserve someone who has their whole heart to give. I’m just not there.”

She talked so fast that Ben didn’t have any chance to interrupt. When she gasped for breath and looked around desperately for an escape, he put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a gentle shake so she’d look at him.

“Rey, listen. I don’t know how to say this…”

The sound of the garage door opening caused Rey to jump back. Leia’s voice called out from inside the open garage.

“Hey you two, we’ve gotta go!”

Rey looked thrilled to have an excuse to run from their conversation, but he snatched her hand and tried to pull her back. “Wait, Rey, please.”

She pulled out her hand. “I’m sorry, Ben. I’m sorry the timing sucks.” She ran into the garage and practically jumped into the passenger seat of Leia’s car.

He stomped into the garage like an angry teenager.

“Ben, get in,” said his mother. “Or else we won’t be able to find a place to park.”

“Well, why do you think that is?” he snapped at her. “It’s because of people like us who are conveniently religious at Christmas.” He was acting angry and petulant, but he didn’t care. For the first time in his life, he wished his mom had interfered. If she had been spying and saw them almost kiss by the bush, she never would have interrupted.

“You know what,” said Ben, suddenly coming up with an idea. “You guys go, save me a seat. I need to run a really quick errand.”

He turned and left before his mom could protest. Rey would probably appreciate not having him in the car anyway.

Later, he slipped into the church a few minutes after the program had started, having had to park a couple streets away, and found the section of pews that Leia had texted him they were. He had been lucky to find a Barnes and Noble bookstore right before it closed for the holiday and managed to complete his task.

He sat down by Rey, who kept her focus solely on the choir. She never looked his direction the entire program, which he had to admit, took a lot of determination. However, he watched her the whole time. She seemed to enjoy herself, smiling through the music and singing along when appropriate. The way her face looked bathed in candlelight during the final number of “Silent Night” was a spiritual revelation all on its own.

When the program ended, Ben slipped out before Rey and Leia stood, wanting to give Rey some space. By the time he got home, they were already on the couch, watching _A Christmas Story_ on TBS. It was at the scene where the kid gets his tongue stuck to the flagpole, and Rey giggled. He lingered awkwardly in the living room, not knowing if she wanted him to stay.

“Wanna watch?” asked Rey. “I know it’s already started, but they run this for 24 hours straight, so we can watch the beginning after this one ends.”

Like the night before, Ben got everyone hot chocolate and cookies. In the archway to the kitchen, he spotted mistletoe hanging and quickly ripped it off. He put it on Leia’s plate and glared at her when he handed it to her, making her chuckle.

Leia went to bed after a couple commercial breaks, and Ben and Rey were left to laugh quietly at the classic scenes and witty narration. Ben tortured himself thinking about Rey’s confession from earlier, and whether to speak to her now, or implement his plan in the morning. Somewhere around Ralphie meeting the mall Santa, Rey fell asleep.

He thought about carrying her up to her bed. She was so small and light, he could probably do it with no problem, but it felt creepy and presumptuous. He hated to disturb her, but it wouldn’t be comfy on that loveseat all night. Regretfully, he turned off the TV and shook her gently.

“Hey, hey Rey,” he muttered softly. She jerked awake and blinked as she looked around, a little confused. He smoothed her hair. “You fell asleep. Let’s get you up to bed.”

She allowed him to help her up the stairs. At her door, she lingered.

“Ben,” she said, her voice crackly and tired, as she swayed on her feet. “It’s not you. You’re wonderful.”

His chest squeezed. “Let’s not worry about it right now, okay? I just want you to enjoy Christmas morning.”

She nodded and smiled softly at him as she retreated into her room. Ben stared at her closed door for a minute, and then got work wrapping his presents.

He could only hope she’d like what was inside.

           

After the most restless night before Christmas Ben had experienced since the torturous nights of childhood waiting for Santa, Ben woke up feeling exhausted. He patted around the bed for his phone and illuminated it. It was already past nine, and he had a message from Rey. The events of the night before came flooding back to his mind as he opened his Irresistible app. With a heavy heart, he clicked on her message.

_Merry Christmas KR!_

_I hope you had a nice Christmas Eve with your family. I definitely did. The best I’ve ever had. It was emotional for a lot of reasons, but it was still one of the greatest days of my life. I’ll never forget it. Dare I hope for the same for my Christmas Day? That’s probably asking too much._

_I need to go down and help my boss with Christmas morning but I wanted to pop on here to tell you I’m thinking of you and I hope you’re well._

_Your friend, Rey_

He locked his phone without responding, and forced himself out of bed and into the bathroom to shave and brush his teeth before going downstairs. When he came into the living room, Rey jumped off the couch, where she had been laying down and looking at her phone.

“Leia, he’s up!” she called into the kitchen. She looked at him with a big smile, and he was relieved to see that the previous evening’s tension had seemed to vanish in the light of her childlike excitement. “Your mom wanted to go and wake you up but I told her we could wait until you were ready. My resolve was weakening, though. I even have a stocking!”

Her joy was palpable, and Ben couldn’t help but smile back. His mom still filled him a stocking every year, but he hadn’t gotten excited about it in a very long time. He felt grateful to his mom for thinking of Rey, too.

As soon as Leia came in, Ben and Rey opened their stockings, Rey dumping hers out on the floor like a child. His contained the typical essentials – body wash, razor, toothbrush, aftershave, etc. It didn’t matter that he always told his mom he was capable of buying his own toiletries; she got them for him every year. Rey’s stocking was very similar, but she rummaged through her pile like it was a pirate’s lost treasure.

“This is so nice of you, Leia,” she said. “You really didn’t need to do this.”

“Nonsense, dear. I wanted to.”

Rey’s smile never dimmed as they began their gift exchange. Leia gave Rey a warm new coat and matching scarf, hat, and gloves, and Ben thought Rey would burst into tears on the spot as she thanked his mom profusely. Leia opened the sweaters that Ben had gotten her from Talbots, her favorite store. She seemed pleased enough with them every year, so Ben never saw the point in changing. She gave him some new office and work out clothes and a new briefcase, and he felt sure that he’d be getting some cash later, per the usual.

Rey gave Leia a cute new laptop protector, as she had noticed in Leia’s office that her current sleeve was old and beaten up.

“This is adorable!” cried Leia, admiring the bright polka dots. “This dowdy old lady could use a young girl’s eye around here.” She looked significantly at Ben. “Thank you, dear.”

Rey then turned to Ben. She started babbling as she handed him a small gift bag. “Okay, this is super lame, I know, but I didn’t know you, and I asked my guy friend what he wanted, and this was what he said, and well, it’s dumb.”

Ben smiled at her appreciatively, and knew what he was going to open before he even pulled it out.

Rey: _If you had your choice, what would you get for Christmas?_

KR: _Socks_

Rey: _Be serious. That’s like the uber cliché worst gift._

KR: _I am being serious. Every year I tell my mom I want socks, and she gets me everything but. There’s a guy in my office who always wears cool, bright patterned socks, and I’d like some like that._

Ben pulled out two packages of socks, covered with all sorts of colors and patterns. He looked over to see Rey looking extremely anxious.

“They’re perfect,” he said sincerely.

“Stop it; you’re just saying that.” She was turning pink.

“I mean it. I need more, and I love these. Thank you, Rey.”

“You think you can get away with wearing those to work?” piped in his mom.

He rolled his eyes. “Yes. I’m not sixty, Mom.”

“Hey, neither am I!”

Ben ignored her and ducked off the couch to grab a couple of packages he had stashed behind the tree. He handed them to Rey, who took them with wide, vulnerable eyes. She didn’t move as he sat down, so he gestured for her to open them, feeling stupid and nervous.

Rey smiled widely when she opened the first gift. “ _Baking Around the World_ ,” she read aloud off the cover. She beamed at him and flipped through eagerly, looking at the various recipes and tips from around the world.

“That’s really thoughtful,” she said. “I love it.” She moved on to the other two gifts. She opened a mini globe and laughed. “It will fit in my apartment!”

“And it’s great for making decisions on dinner,” added Ben, laughing with her. “Go on,” he said, gesturing the last present. “It’s not silly, I promise.”

She frowned at the tubular shape and shook it curiously. She unwrapped it to reveal a scratch off world map.

“What is this?” she asked.

“It’s a map for your wall,” he explained, feeling anxious. “You scratch off countries as you visit them.”

“But I haven’t been anywhere.”

“You can already do two.” He looked at her softly. “And I know that more will follow.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “Where did you even find all of this stuff?”

Shifting in his seat, he mumbled, “A travel store near the city.”

Her eyes widened with understanding. He hadn’t even known she was coming until he arrived at his mom’s.

“These gifts are amazing,” said Rey, her voice thick. “Thank you so much, Ben.”

Leia quietly slipped out.

“You didn’t have to do that for me,” Rey whispered once they were alone. “This is way too much.”

“Well, I wanted to,” said Ben. She stared at him for what felt like eternity, and then walked out, muttering that she was going to help Leia with breakfast.

Leia made homemade breakfast in the way only she could - cinnamon rolls from the Pillsbury can. Still, Rey was effusive and declared it the best Christmas breakfast she had ever had.

Rey announced that she was going to go get cleaned up. Before she reached the stairs in the entryway, Ben intercepted her.

“Wait,” he said, his heart pounding out of his chest. “I have one more gift for you.”

“No,” she said, looking wary. “You’ve already given me so much. C’mon, I gave you bloody _socks_.”

“Please, just open it.” He produced a small, rectangular package.

With shaky hands, she pulled off the wrapping paper.

“ _Anne of Green Gables?”_ She looked up at him. “This is my favorite book.”

“Yeah,” he said, breathing deeply. “I know.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Open it up.”

He watched her, terrified, as she opened the book, which fell open to a white envelope with her name on it. With her brow furrowed, she set the book down on a table next to her and pulled out a letter.

She gasped when she opened it.

“How do you know about this?” she asked sharply.

“I, um…”

“Have you been spying on me? Stalking? Did your mom figure it out?”

“Can you just read it?” Ben didn’t know how to handle her emotions. It was happening. The inevitable ending had come, and it was all his fault.

But she was already crying. “What is going on? Don’t mess with me, Ben. This is serious.”

“It’s me, Rey. It’s been me all along.”

She finally looked up at him, her eyes glistening and angry.

“And no,” he added, “my mom doesn’t know about any of this. I was knocked off my feet when you showed up here the other day. I had no idea who you were or who you worked for until then.”

“Well, that was very convenient for you that you knew and I didn’t,” shot back Rey. “But I guess I’ve been playing the naive fool for months. I’m sure it was very amusing that I was so clueless. I mean, I thought, you seemed like KR but you didn’t strike me as a liar.”

“No, Rey, I wanted to tell you, but…”

She shook her head, backing away. “Stop, Ben. I just…can’t. I’ve gotta go. Tell your mom I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Before he could stop her, she grabbed her boots, coat, and keys from by the front door and ran out. He chased her out to the driveway, but she took off too fast. He stood there freezing for a few minutes until he determined she wasn’t just going to turn around.

Beaten, he came back in and stared at the wall.

“What on earth is going on?” asked his mom, coming in. “Where did Rey go?”

Ben didn’t move. “She left.”

“What?”

“She left. She told me to tell you sorry.” His voice sounded hollow.

“What happened? Did you say something? Did you make her upset?”

Ben just stood still, staring at that same spot on the wall. His mother’s prattling started getting more shrill and relentless.

“Did I do something? What made her so upset? She didn’t even get her stuff, so she must have left in a hurry. Things were going _so_ well. I saw the way she looked at you, and you at her. It was a match made in heaven; I just know it. But of course you had to go and mess it up, and now I’ll die before I ever see you with anyone…”

“Stop, Mom!” Ben cried, whirling on her. “Just stop! Stop micromanaging everyone else’s relationships because you couldn’t save yours!”

Leia looked like she had been slapped. Ben collapsed on a stair and buried his head in his hands, as tears overcame him.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” he said through broken sobs. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

After a minute of self-loathing where he reflected on how he had destroyed the two more important relationships he had in a ten-minute span, he felt his mom’s arm wrap around him.

“Tell me what happened.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there! Happy ending will be up soon.
> 
> My mom's family always did homemade pizza on Christmas Eve, and then she did it with us, and now I do it with my kids. It's pretty awesome, and I give you permission to steal it.


	6. Through the Years We All Will Be Together

Somehow, Ben managed to get the whole story out through his tears. He told his mom everything, from the first time he logged onto Irresistible, to Rey’s hasty departure just then. Leia listened silently, rubbing Ben’s back like she did when he was a kid.

“So that’s that,” said Ben, as his tears finally abated. “I’m sorry I’m such a screw-up, Mom. You deserve better.”

“Hey,” Leia said firmly, grabbing his arms and forcing him to look at her. “You are _not_ a screw-up. You are everything to me. You’ve been my rock since you were a little boy. You grew up way before your time, stepping up and acting like a man before you even hit puberty. It was never fair of me to rely on you like that.”

Ben sat silently, staring at his hands.

“Ben,” Leia continued, softer. “I know…I know we don’t really talk about what happened to your dad and me. It’s just hard for me. But that’s not fair, because I know it was hard on you too. I know it still is. I’m sorry you had to watch your dad leave. I’m sorry your closest example of a relationship was a toxic one. I’m sorry he hasn’t been there for you the way he should have.” She paused, and put her hand on his knee. “You know, you’re a lot like him.”

Ben looked up at her, breathing in sharply.

“I mean, in a _good_ way,” Leia quickly added. “Your dad has plenty of faults, but I see some of the best of him in you - your sense of humor, your kindness, even some of your facial expressions and mannerisms. Sometimes I’m just taken aback when I see your dad in your face. It’s hard. I still miss him.” Her voice faltered a bit.

Ben took her hand. “I miss him too, Mom.”

She nodded heavily, and took a second to dab at her eye. “But you are so different than him in lots of ways, too. You are steadfast and responsible. You’re there for people when they need you. You’ve always been there for me.”           

“I really am sorry, Mom,” said Ben, his voice still cracking from the emotions. “That was a really mean thing for me to say.”

“I accept your apology,” said Leia, squeezing his hand. “But do you know why I want to see you with someone so bad?”

“Because you want grandkids?”

Leia laughed. “No. I mean, yes, I do, but that’s not it. It’s because you would be magnificent. You’re so kind and reliable and loving. I just know that you would be the most terrific husband and father, if that’s what you want, and I hate that your shyness and low self-esteem keeps you from finding happiness. I created my website for people like you, people who need a little help but deserve love just like anyone else.”

“Well, it might have worked if I hadn’t been an idiot,” said Ben, crumpling into his hands again.

“Yes, you were,” said Leia. “Love can make us that way, I’m afraid. But you need to bring that girl back.” She pulled him upright and pointed out the front window. “It has started snowing hard. Rey is out there, scared and confused, in her pajamas. You need to go find her. Maybe things will work out, and maybe they won’t, but you have to try.”

Ben nodded, and ran upstairs to throw on some heavier clothes. When he came back down, his mom handed him his coat and keys.

“Be safe,” she said. “Bring our girl back.”

Ben climbed into his car, calling Rey’s phone. “Pick up, pick up, pick up,” he muttered as it continued to ring. He had no idea where to go. Would she have gone all the way home without her stuff? Could Leia find him her address in her personnel files? Was that ethical? Did he care?

Before he started driving to who knows where, he shot her a text.

_Rey, it’s Ben. Please tell me where you are. We’re worried about you._

The streets were mostly empty from the snow and the holiday. Ben felt like he was on a fool’s errand, driving around like an idiot, but he didn’t know what else to do. He called a couple more times, and called his mom to see if she had heard from her.

Feeling defeated, he was about to head home when Rey called him.

“Rey!” he cried.

“Ben?”

“Where are you? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Her voice sounded choked, like she’d be crying. “I just got a bit lost. I was looking for the sledding hill to sit and clear my head but I couldn’t find it and it’s not like it’s something I could just put in Google Maps.”

“Can you send me a pin where you are?”

“Yeah, I will. I’ve stopped by some pond.”

Ben’s chest heaved with relief. “Good, I’ll come to you. Just stay warm.”

“Hey, Ben, I’m sorry I ran like that. My past…well, I guess you know my past. I’m kind of inclined to run when things get overwhelming.”

“Don’t worry about any of that, okay? And don’t blame yourself when I messed up. Please just send me your location and stay put. I’ll be right there.”

“K, bye.”

She hung up and Ben waited anxiously for her text. Soon, his phone lit up with the pin drop she sent. He clicked on it and sighed with relief when he saw it was only a few minutes away. He wanted to gun it like a speed demon, but he had to account for the falling snow and slick roads.

After what seemed like the longest drive of his life, he pulled up to a little parking lot by an icy duck pond. He was happy to see her car there, lightly dusted from the snowstorm that had finally calmed into light flurries. Quickly scanning the area, he spotted her sitting on a park bench, staring at the water. Her old coat looked way too thin for the snow, and he was grateful that his mom had bought her a better one.

She looked back at the sound of his car door closing. Her face was red and wet, whether from crying or the snow, he didn’t know. His heart began to race when he saw that she was holding his letter. He had written it late the night before, putting everything he had into one page. Maybe it was cowardly, but it also felt appropriate, like full circle.

_Dear Rey,_

_You’ve known since Day One that my name is not really Kylo Ren. I mean, duh. But you’ve probably never understood why I kept my identity hidden. At first, it was because I didn’t want my mom to see me on her site. That’s pretty petty, I know. But then it was because of you. You, a beautiful, young, sensitive, amazing woman, reached out and talked to me. And I was scared. I’ve never had a successful romantic relationship, only weak attempts. This whole last six months, I’ve constantly told myself I should just man up and reveal myself, maybe even ask you on a real date. But your emails and chats brightened my days so much that I didn’t want to risk losing it._

_That was selfish of me, and unfair to you. I’m really sorry about that. You deserve someone brave, someone who’s willing to tell you right to your face how wonderful you are. And I should have told you as soon as I met you in person who I was. It wasn’t fair that I knew, and you didn’t, but once again, I was scared._

_You’ve done nothing wrong. You’ve been nothing but kind and understanding through this whole thing. I was already hopelessly in love with you before I met you in real life. And believe me when I say that neither my mom nor I had any idea of the connection. I had no idea you were coming, or who you were, until about two minutes before you arrived at my mom’s. And now after meeting you in person, I am even more in love than I was before, if that was even possible._

_You told me once that_ Anne of Green Gables _is your favorite book, because you loved reading about a lonely orphan finding a home and family. Rey, I have so much love to give you if you’d let me. You’ve forgiven me so many things, so I can’t ask you to forgive another, but if you had it in you, I would do everything in my power to make you the happiest woman on Earth. I love you so much._

_If you decide to end this, I will completely understand. You’ll never hear from me again, and I’ll make sure my mom leaves you alone and your job is safe. I’ll miss you more than I can say, but I’ll understand._

_Whatever you do in life, I hope you find the happiness you long for. You deserve it._

_Your friend, KR, AKA Benjamin Han Solo_

She noticed him looking in the direction of the paper.

“Did you mean all of this?” she asked quietly.

He took a cautious step forward. “Every word.”

“Ben…” She sighed. “I’ve told you all along that I was okay with you hiding your real identity, and I meant that. But it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.” His heart broke at the tremor in her voice. “All these months, wondering why I wasn’t good enough for you to want to move things further. Wondering if the relationship was even real, whether I was falling in love with someone who didn’t even exist, whether you were married, psycho, catfishing, you name it. I’ve thought of it all.”

He felt even more ashamed than before. She stood up and faced him.

“And then this weekend, I’ve had all these conflicting thoughts. From the moment we met I’ve felt like we’ve had this connection and I was so attracted to you, but it felt weirdly untrue to KR. Then when I’d write to KR, I wanted to be with you. You, who were real. Who made me feel safe and special, even after such a short time.”

Ben’s head was spinning. He took another step. “Rey…”

“I mean, I’m not stupid. I saw the similarities. Your job, your interests, the stuff with your parents. But all it did was make me more confused, because how could it possibly be that you? How could I be that lucky? And why would someone as great as Ben ever hide his identity? And why would he not tell me?”

“Rey, I am so sorry for hurting you. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. I was scared you’d reject me if you saw me. Or that I’d ruin it if we met.”

They had gotten close enough that he could distinguish the snow on her face from her tears. He longed to wipe them away, to reach out and keep her warm and safe. She came even closer. If he was far more daring, he could reach out and touch her.

“You never needed to be scared,” she said. “You meant so much to me that I was willing to love you if you looked like Jabba the Hut.”

In spite of it all, Ben burst out laughing. “Jabba the Hut?”

She smiled back, a big, happy grin, and his heart defied all medical logic by managing to beat even faster. “Yeah, I’ve been kinda into _Star Wars_ lately. Some guy told me they’re pretty good.” She stepped forward, and put her hands on his chest. “But hey, I’m not complaining that you ended up being you. I’m one lucky girl.”

His self-consciousness came rushing back. He clasped both of her hands, and set them back. “It’s okay; you don’t have to lie. I know I’m odd-looking and awkward.”

She shook her head and wrapped her arms around his neck. Carefully, he placed his hands on the small of her back.

“You are insane,” she said. “I mean, you are just absolutely bonkers. But if this insecurity has kept you available and waiting for me all these years, then I’m grateful for it.” She tightened her grip. “Plus it means that I get to tell you every day how incredible you are until you believe it.”

His eyes were wide with shock, and she must have misread his look because she let go and backed away quickly.

“I mean,” she stuttered. “If that’s what you want.”

He grabbed her back and pulled her close, cupping her cheek and giving her a soft kiss. Their faces were wet with tears and snow, but he had never been so content in his life. He pulled away slowly, enjoying the smile that spread back on her face.

“I want this,” he whispered. “More than anything.”

She leaned in for another kiss, this one a bit longer and more eager. Nothing had ever felt so right in his entire life. When they broke apart, he nuzzled her nose.

“I love you, Rey,” he said softly. He was nervous to say it, but he had already written it in his letter, so he figured the worst was done.

She sighed and leaned into his chest. He pulled her in tighter.

“I love you, too,” she whispered against him.

Heart bursting, he picked her up and swung her around. She laughed happily as he set her back on her feet.

“When I’d imagine getting literally swept off my feet by a man, I never pictured myself in my jammies.”

He smiled at her and smoothed her wet, wavy hair back. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s how you described a package of socks.”

Laughing, he said, “K, you got me, but they were perfect because they were from you. You’re perfect to me.” She shivered, and he remembered where they were. “C’mon,” he said, pulling her to his car. “You’re freezing.”

They climbed in his car and warmed up.

“Should we go back home?” he asked. “We have a whole holiday waiting for us, as well as one very anxious mother. We can get your car later.” He wasn’t interested in letting her out of his sight for one moment.

“Yeah.” She intertwined their fingers. “You know, this feels a lot like fate. Fate’s never been on my side before.”

“I don’t know about fate,” he responded seriously, and she looked at him curiously. He made a big show of looking annoyed and said, “I think I’ll have to admit that my evil genius mom was right.”

Rey laughed and punched him playfully, and together, they drove to celebrate their Christmas together.

 

_One Year Later_

“Oh hang on, I’m going to run and pee,” said Rey, running back in the direction of his apartment. Ben finished loading up their gifts and luggage, preparing to spend a few days at his mom’s house for Christmas.

The year he had spent with Rey at his side was the best of his life. She made him happier than he had ever been, and he was able to believe that he did the same for her. They had moved their relationship from screen to real life seamlessly, like it was meant to be.

With Rey inside, Ben carefully fingered the most important gift he had for her in his coat pocket. The ring box was still there, where it would stay until the time was right and he took her back to that duck pond and got on one knee.

His mom told everyone who would listen about how she managed to set up her son with the love of his life on both her website _and_ in real life. Ben didn’t care, though. If Rey agreed to be his wife, he’d blow up their wedding announcement to poster size and hang it in Leia’s office himself.

Not that he had a lot of reason to be worried about Rey’s answer, though. Ben was a risk-averse pragmatist, and he was only asking now that he was sure she’d say yes. They’d been talking about getting married for months. They wanted to buy a house somewhere in between Leia’s house and the city, not _too_ close, but not too far either. They’d wait about a year after their wedding to start trying for a child; they wanted three.

The future had never looked so bright.

Ben loaded the final present into the trunk, a heavy package with Rey’s name on it. She had lifted it curiously when he brought it out, trying to guess what it was. It was only a ream of paper, but he had slipped in an itinerary for a trip to Italy for the spring. He couldn’t wait to give it to her.

Maybe they’d be able to parlay it into a honeymoon. That’d be a short engagement, but Leia had assured them that she had wedding vendors and planners constantly begging her to try out their services in hopes for partnerships and endorsements with Irresistible and that their eventual wedding would basically plan itself. Ben didn’t care about any details as long as the people he loved most were there. He had even called his dad to tell him he was planning to propose, and his dad had gruffly told him that he wouldn’t miss his wedding for the world.

Rey came skipping back to the car and climbed in, giving him a big grin as they took off. He wondered if she was expecting him to propose, or if she had bought his story that her ring wouldn’t be ready until after the new year. It didn’t matter, though. Either way, he would try to make the moment perfect for his special girl.

He wanted to give her the world. She _was_ his world. She was his everything.

His perfect match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful holiday season!
> 
> Final chapter and epilogue of ["Car Trouble"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15292053/chapters/35476614) will go up later this week.
> 
>  
> 
> *Title/chapter titles taken from various versions of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."


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